the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
