my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
