Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize