you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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