used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize