New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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