god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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