I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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