Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
