If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
