I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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