yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
