Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
