Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
