He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
