im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
