I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
