i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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