I wish i was in the wii world.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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