eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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