What did we do last night that was yellow?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
