you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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