Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
