some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
