Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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