I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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