I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
