Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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