i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
