After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize