Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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