I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
