I am full of burrito and curiosity
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
