my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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