I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
