she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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