i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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