My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize