best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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