i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
