dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
