i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
