no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
