I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
