i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
