We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
