So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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