I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize