dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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