I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
