He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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