We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize