i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
