woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
