I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize