i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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