I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
