i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
