i just had sex bonerless
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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