It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
