yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize