SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
