Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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