I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
