You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
