I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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