I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
