I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
